Little Red Riding Hood
Once upon a time, Red Riding Hood was coming home from the sock trade off. Mom was standing at the door with a bag. She said to go to grandma’s house to deliver the bag. Once Red Riding Hood felt it she realized it was very hard and heavy.
As Red was running through the woods she cut her arm on a special thorn. She decided that it was poisonous with its dizziness. The girl new that only a special bear’s spit could cure it. She used her tracking nose to find it. After fifteen minutes of tracking she found one and it found her. It was already charging.
Little Red Riding Hood took a breath, then a gulp. Then a breath again, and charged. When they reached each other they both stopped. She did a roundhouse kick to the head. Karate chop to the spine. And sank her fangs into the bear’s neck.
She decided to save the blood for later in her emergency jar. Red stuck her hand into the deceased bear’s mouth and took it out. She smeared the spitty hand all over her wound. This was the best feeling ever for Little Red Riding Hood.
Now she was back on her journey. She thought about how she would explain this bad
fighting to her mom. But she was stopped in mid-thought. Because she had arrived at her destination. She walked in and saw blood smeared all over the walls. The next room was worse. There was the bad wolf chewing on the kidney of Little Granny Hood. Red hit the wolf with the bag and it died instantly. When she was home her mother told her that that was what the bag was for. In case the wolf came.
Wow, very creative. I would of never thought of that in a million years. Very nice story, it was really pretty, NOT. Again very creative but I think you could of used more descriptive words like "Gnawing on granny's kidney" not "Chewing on granny's kidney"
ReplyDeleteGreat job on fantasy writing you've done. the only error I had found in the piece was in the 4th paragraph where it says red riding hood had took it out of the bears mouth. I knew that it was the spit but it didn't say what it was. Anyways, the plot was great and was very enjoying.
ReplyDeleteGood story and lots of creativity. I found almost no mistakes. The only one that I found was the one that Alex pointed out to me. The only thing that I thought you could do better with is what Redmon said. "Use more descriptive words." Also great job coming up with a topic and I would like to know how you come up with these. That is all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteI also think it is very creative.I think because you wrote this early in the year you didn't know some things yet. I think that you should work on sentence fluency.
ReplyDelete